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Jessica, Can You Tell Us Why You Hate Larry Brown? Yes, Because He’s a Slut.



Someone asked me this question on twitter the other day and it caught me by surprise. What do you mean why don’t I like Larry Brown? Are there people who DO like Larry Brown? Who are these people and why aren’t they in jail? 

Larry Brown is a slut. Not only is he a slut, he’s the worst kind of slut. While he’s romancing you he’s thinking of someone else. And right when you think your relationship with this harlot has reached it’s stride that’s when you come home and find him fucking your best friend.

In a fit of rage, you scream WHY WHY WHY did you do it Larry you fucking WHOREBAG?? But his tramp ass doesn’t even have the decency to respond, just walks away and heads out to wine and dine and eventually ruin the self esteem of his next victim suitor before, again, slutting it up elsewhere. Cause that’s what hoes do. Hoes gonna ho. 

Back when Brown coached the Pacers he treated Jalen Rose like a scrub. Yeah, yeah Rose wasn’t perfect, but he had potential and that was clear all along. This isn’t a new story for me…I knew it back then and I hated him for it.

Back in February, Rose talked about how Brown ran the team into the ground before he left because he knew he was going to Philadelphia:

One of the best bulletin board situations I was a part of, and this was in an interesting dynamic, because Larry Brown was the coach of the Indiana Pacers and he basically ran our team into the ground his final year there, we did not make the playoffs because he knew he was going to Philladelphia.

Jacoby: What did he do to run you team into the ground?

Coaches are like the person controlling the chessboard and while there’s a king, all of the pieces are important in control of the chessboard to the dynamic of a roster. And a coach can massage it to the point where, you’re not getting the maximum out of everyone. He did that with the Knicks.

When we got a chance to play against him the next year, now granted, we were a team that didn’t make the playoffs. The next season we were playing in the ECF Game 7 versus Michael and the Bulls WITH BASICALLY THE SAME TEAM. So, that’s how you run a situation into the ground. So, when we got a chance to play against him in the playoffs, those next couple of seasons we used fuel to not only go against one of the best players in the league Allen Iverson, but you had the extra umph of wow, this is the coach who sabotaged our season.

Jalen goes on to say talk about how Brown benched him against the Wizards because he didn’t like the media attention of the Fab 5 playing each other since Chris Webber and Juwan Howard were playing there together. He also benched him days later when they played the Pistons in Detroit even though he knew Rose’s entire family would be in attendance.

My first trip to Detroit, 80 fans in the stands that I bought tickets for. My uncle’s got a big sign for me, my mom’s sitting courtside, all my people are there. He didn’t play me for the first 3 quarters. He put me in during the fourth quarter and I had five straight points. I went 2-2 and Detroit called a timeout.During the timeout he took me out of the game.

At first it was against Washington. He didn’t want me to go against Chris Webber and Juwan Howard who were the stars of that team, you know the media build-up was three of the Fab Five were about to play, ladadada. So going into that game, I think he played me like 8 minutes.

And then the Detroit game happened soon after that. So, it was all bad that rest of the season. I was able to use that motivation as a player, work in practice, keep my attitude up, I had good teammates who still supported me, I had good vets around me, Reggie, Antonio Davis, Dale Davis. So when we played them in the playoffs, we did use that bulletin board material.

If you’re a Sixers fan this is familiar. Sure, Iverson wasn’t always easy to deal with, but Brown exhibited the petty behavior Rose describes often. Going back to the point about Brown running a team into the ground knowing he was preparing to leave…I take you back to 2001. Allen Iverson, somehow by the Grace of God, was able to put the entire team on his tiny back and take them to the finals. This was a team with very little real talent (beyond Iverson and Aaron Mckie). It was a miracle run that ended with the 76ers stunning everyone by winning one game in the finals against the Los Angeles Lakers who were as dominant a team as the league had seen.

Brown immediately blew up the team after that even though the pickings in the market were slim. Then, in 2003 (on a got damn holiday!), abruptly resigned and took over as coach of the Detroit Pistons a few days later.

Now some may say that the 76ers got to the finals with a midly terrible team and Brown is to be credited. But over the 6 years that Brown was there he never fought for better players to be added to the team insisting instead that Iverson needed to do more. Practice more, be a better leader etc etc. I think that all along Brown was hoping the team would finally just trade Iverson as they did later after Brown left and Iverson DEMANDED the Sixers get better players.

The Sixers were (and continue to be?) an awful franchise and Brown’s behavior was part of a pattern - turn the star player into the villain to distract from what’s lacking around them whether it’s Charles Barkley or Andre Iguodala. So clearly I’m not absolving the Sixers of fault. But Brown, as a person, has a pattern as well. A pattern of ho’ing himself around and exhibiting the same ME ME ME ME ME attitude he consistently alluded to Iverson having.

Fast forward to last year (I’m skipping his dumb stint with the Bobcats because they deserved what they got for hiring him) Brown takes over at SMU. Never one to ease into anything, he busts through the doors and within days revokes scholarships and starts benching players. Despite making major changes, it appears just one year later he’s antsy.  Suddenly a week and half ago rumors began, probably started by Brown himself, that the Nets and Sixers were interested in him. Well, the Nets have their guy in Jason Kidd. And I doubt the 76ers would be that stupid this time around now that they’re finally under better management. I’d seriously quit being a Sixers fan if ever steps foot anywhere near my terrible team again. Besides, nobody likes an old ho and Brown is 72 years old now.

Long story short…Larry Brown is a man of ill repute and this song is for him.



Shout out to Pacers Digest for transcribing Rose’s thoughts.

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