I usually write about the 5 Things in the NFL I think should be stopped…but this is my very first video version.
This time I talk about Nnamdi Asomugha’s hair, Ray Lewis’ toe, firing coaches before Christmas, the idea of a tie-game, and James Harrison’s poor wallet!
Peyton, NFL fans are grateful for everything you brought to the game. Now go home and be with your family (and take Tony Dungy with you!)
I’m back again with 5 more NFL-related things that must be stopped. Let’s dive in!
1. Premature Ejectulation. I made “ejectulation” up because I needed a word to describe taking out a struggling QB when it’s too late to win the game or prove any discernible point. In general, I’m opposed to benching QBs during games UNLESS that QB is the franchise player. I know that sounds odd, but benching a franchise player is proving a point. It’s just a gesture to wake the guy up after a bad spate of games. It doesn’t shake the team’s confidence in what is going to happen next. Benching guys who are in jeopardy of not starting just causes confusion.
What would have been the harm if Mike Shanahan had have let Rex Grossman finish out his game against the Philadelphia Eagles and announced Beck as the starter before the next game after talking to the team? His decision to bench in dramatic fashion *two snaps* sends a jolt through the team. When you have players like Santana Moss, who barely speak at all and certainly isn’t one to cause controversy, tell the media that the team was behind Rex Grossman, you have a morale issue that isn’t helped by embarrassing the guy they support. No reason Shanahan had to announce via benching that Grossman’s starting days were over.
This weekend, there was other Premature Ejectulation by Raiders coach Hue Jackson First we all thought that Carson Palmer WOULD play (despite it being highly unlikely that he was in good enough shape). Then we find out that Kyle Boller would definitely start. Boller had a horrendous game, and not only deserves to be benched but to be banished from football forever. However, the Raiders were down 20-0 when Jackson pulls the plug on Boller and puts in Palmer who, also, performed in horrendous fashion.
I have asked God to PLEASE give me the strength to stop calling this man "Lil Baby Sproles." So far my prayers have gone unanswered. Hello God, are you there? It's me, J Danielle!
A couple weeks ago I gave you 5 things in the NFL that must be stopped. I wasn’t planning to make it a series, but what the hell. Here’s my volume 2.
1. Andy Reid and Juan Castillo. I can’t even go on and on about this anymore. Just make sure you’ve read this and this. I hear they “might” be hiring a defensive consultant soon. I guess that’s better than nothing.
2. Former players talking about their former teams’ players. Yes, I wrote an entire post on this but I feel it bears repeating. Cause it’s important. You know, I once had a boss who said that people never took him seriously and his “solution” to this was to say “I’m Serious” whenever he was serious. Needless to say, I never took him seriously again. But maybe I should have. Cause I’m sure people thought I was kidding when I wrote my post. I wasn’t. I’m serious.
3. NFL refs. I don’t know what happened at the referees’ last meeting with Goodell but something has these dudes shook. I’ve seen more flags through week 5 than a Puerto Rican Day Parade. The refs were particularly trigger happy in the Monday Night Football game between the Detroit Lions and Chicago Bears. The refs also got a few calls wrong such as the one fumble call that was pretty costly for the Jets in their loss to the Patriots on Sunday. Funny fact, apparently, when refs get it wrong, the team gets a letter. Too bad that the letter most teams want is a W!
4. Jay Cutler’s over zealous detractors. Rex Grossman, you think you have haters? Try living Jay Cutler’s life for a minute. You take your team all the way to the NFC chip while laying prostrate for most of the season, and you still can’t get no respect. I have no issue with anyone being criticized, but it seems there’s a whole lot of jumping overboard when it comes to Cutler. I think it’s time to rein it in. Just because he doesn’t put on a happy face every time someone talks to him doesn’t mean he should be trashed.
Let’s say you gave me a list of the best “okay” quarterbacks, for fun how about Jay Cutler, Matt Ryan, Tony Romo, Eli Manning, Mark Sanchez and Joe Flacco…and told me I could only have one for game day and I have one hour to decide. I’d spend 59 minutes laughing at the fact that you think I’d choose anyone other than Cutler from that group, and spend the last minute grabbing Cutler’s bags. “Sir, you’re coming with me.”
The thing that bothers me about Cutler’s biggest critics is that they just don’t like him as a man. And they don’t even have the common decency to try to hide it. When Rick Reilly wrote his ”Jay Cutler is No Teddy Bear” column the quotes from Cutler’s detractors sounded like the proverbial scorned woman trying to shriek her way back into her lover’s life. What I gather is that we’re supposed to hate Cutler because he doesn’t care for celebrity, isn’t star struck by former NFL greats like 99% of men on the planet, might be a tad socially awkward, and isn’t the least bit interested in keeping up a false pretense (Heeeey Tom Brady). I wonder if any of this would be an issue if Cutler played for the Raiders?
The list of stupid things I’ve heard people say about Cutler ranges from not seeing his passion on the field (is this football or the Oscars?) to saying he’s soft (hmm sacked 6o+ times in a season and still carried team to NFC championship, if only more men were so dainty).
I hate to be the bearer of bad news cause i know that men don’t like rejection. But it’s important that I tell you fellas something…
Jay Cutler is just not that into you 
5. Me referring to New Orleans Saints Running Back Darren Sproles as “Lil Baby Sproles.” Yes, it’s true! I had to add my own damn self to the list of things that must be stopped. After reading up on space players, I was led to google Sproles. He has a pretty boring past but in my quick search I found out that Sproles is…MARRIED. I then felt a little bit guilty about referring to this apparently grown man as “lil baby.” I must be stopped…but sadly, I don’t think I can be. If anyone knows Sproles, please ask him if this offends him in any way. Maybe if he says it’s offensive it will help me stop (I doubt it).
By the way, did you know that for a spell Sproles WASN’T the littlest teeniest (see how I act? smh!) player in the NFL? Until October 5th, that honor was held by Trindon Holliday, who is the same height as Sproles but 25lbs lighter. I don’t know who in the hell can find a Wide Receiver that small. WWCJS!!! (What Would Calvin Johnson Say?)
1. Calling Ndamukong Suh dirty -
Look at this little baby face! Now is this the face of somebody who would take your QB and throw him around like a rag doll? (hint: the answer is yes)
I’m not prepared to say that Suh is dirty yet. Right now I think he’s exuberant. Excitable. Enthusiastic. Perhaps passionate to a fault. But dirty? No. Suh’s no Hines Ward or Cortland Finnegan. He’s just over zealous sometimes and I think that’s okay. I have a feeling he will learn how to channel it (and get away with it).
2. Thursday Night games — Yeah I said it! Starting week 9 there will be a game every Thursday night for the rest of the season (same as last year). The NFL is in talks to have Thursday night games all season long on a network other than NFLnetwork. I do not want this. Football takes up a lot of my time. And as a person who has no life, but aspires to have one one day, being consumed with football on Sunday, Monday and Thursday is not gonna help me find a husband. Or even a baby daddy, for that matter.
3. Nnamdi Asomugha’s hair -
Nnamdi got tired of everyone raving about how handsome he is so he decided to put this thing on his head.
Let me start out by saying “no shade” “no offense” “not trying to insult anyone” “just my 2 cents” and all other sorts of disclaimers you give before you say something bordering on mean. I have tried to ignore Nnamdi’s hair because he’s just so darn great otherwise. But today, he was on MSNBC’s Education Nation panel (and did a fabulous job) and his hair was as wrong as ever. I AM FED UP NNAMDI! I have had it up to here with your bullshit. I want that thing on your head gone by Sunday or you are going to feel the wrath. Sort of. No you won’t. But still. You need to cut that shit off.
4. Rex Grossman -
When Rex speaks I want to make him choose between silence and violence.
Rex Grossman is such douchelord. I hate that term but I don’t know how else to describe him. The more he wins the more miserable it will be for fans across America. He is just annoying. I mean, he really thinks he has HATERS. Rex, you don’t have haters, you have people who’ve watched you play before. Had the Skins beat the Cowboys we would have heard all sorts of unwanted commentary from Rex all week. Even God refused to let that happen. Is there something about the name Rex that requires you to be too chatty for my tastes! Cause Rex Ryan doesn’t exactly soothe my nerves either.
5. Quarterback Injuries - I don’t know how to stop this, but I’m already worn out by Mark Sanchez’s broken nose, Tony Romo’s ribs and lung, Michael Vick’s concussion and bruised-but-you-know-it’s-probably-broken hand, Matt Ryan’s knee, Peyton’s neck, Kerry Collins’ concussion. We haven’t even found out what kind of injury Jay Cutler is definitely going to sustain yet. I just don’t want to see a whole lot of sloppy starting-Quarterbackless football.
I’m open to other things that MUST BE STOPPED, but this is my list.
