Ray Lewis has always been so subtle.

Last time we saw Ray Lewis on the field he was taking credit for his teammates’ tackles. Last time we saw him off the field he was taking credit for leading his teammates to be their greatest. Well now Lewis has upped the ante and is now taking credit for things that could have happened had he been there to make sure they didn’t. Lewis was quoted as saying that the reason Jacoby Jones was hit over the head with a bottle by a stripper at Bryant Mckinnie’s birthday party is because the team lacks leadership — specifically HIS leadership.

His former teammates responded to his comments with a mixture of who-gives-a-damn and whatever-dude. Lewis, true to egotistical form, said he doesn’t know why in the world the Ravens wouldn’t take kindly to the implication that their incapable of making decisions without him. 

Well you know what, I think Lewis could be right. I thought of 5 ways his leadership could have prevented a bad situation for McKinnie and and Jones. #RayLewisCouldHave 

1. Ray Lewis could have knocked the bottle out of Sweet Pea’s hand. Back in his younger days, Lewis was known for his good instincts which made him good at batting passes down. There’s no reason to believe that he couldn’t have sensed Sweet Pea’s anger and batted the Ace of Spades bottle out of her hand before it connected with Jones’ head. 

2. Ray Lewis could have convinced McKinnie to celebrate his birthday at church. McKinnie has been through a lot of financial difficulties and has had trouble keeping his conditioning up. The reality is, one could argue, that McKinnie needs prayer. And I’m sure Lewis would and could argue that effectively. McKinnie could have spent his 34th birthday in the temple rather than on a party bus listening to Meek Mill’s Amen.

3. Ray Lewis could have distracted Sweet Pea with his good looks and charm. Let’s be honest, I give Lewis a hard time, but the man is GORGEOUS and very charismatic. Chances are if Ray Lewis is in the room nobody is paying any attention to Bryant McKinnie and Jacoby Jones. There’s no reason to hit a man over the head with a bottle if you don’t even realize he’s there. 

4. Ray Lewis could have convinced those young ladies to turn their lives around. Any time you’re hanging around Reverend Ray you could be in for a party or a scolding. You just never know. There’s at least a 50% chance that Ray would have arrived on the party bus and given those young ladies a nice fatherly lecture about the EVILS of succumbing to secular pleasures. 

annnnnnnd lastly!

5. Were Ray Lewis still playing for the Ravens there’s a good chance McKinnie never would have had a party in the first place for fear that he would show up and do any of 1-4. If Ray Lewis is your teammate you can’t NOT invite him to your party but then again you don’t want him to come either. 

In all seriousness, I’ve always found Lewis’ egotistical delusions to be fascinating. I’m a fan. I swear! But if he’s going to continue his broadcast career, I’d like to see him come down to earth just a little bit.