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Reggie Bush Says the Miami Dolphins “Stink” And Aren’t Disciplined

Dolphins Coach Tony Sparano has been promised he won't be fired in the near term. But that's not how it sounded when he told the refs to review a call or else he would be fired. The Dolphins are in shamnbles.

If you’re here to make fun of Reggie Bush, get it out of your system cause that’s not what’s going to happen in this post. Sorry to disappoint. No I’m not.

I wanted to write a longer post looking at the Dolphins, but when I thought about it…it was kind of pointless. Why? Cause from my vantage point, the Miami Dolphins have 1. a lack of talent (which is just hard to overcome in any situation) and 2. aren’t disciplined on the field, which running back Reggie Bush pointed out yesterday.

It’s just embarrassing, I don’t know any other way to explain it,” Bush said. “It’s an embarrassing loss. Had no business losing that game.”

“We were up 15 points with what, five minutes left to go? And we couldn’t win it? It’s disgusting.”

“Right now, this team stinks.”

The Dolphins controlled the game for the first 55 minutes, but allowed Tim Tebow and the Broncos to drive 80 yards for a touchdown, recover an onside kick, drive 56 yards for another touchdown, convert a two-point conversion and kick a game-winning 52-yard field goal in overtime.

Bush said he and his teammates didn’t have any “fight” in the last five minutes.

“Just a lot of undiscipline on our part,” Bush said. “Played good – not great – for 55 minutes. Everybody’s got that relaxed attitude. We just didn’t fight towards the end. We didn’t have enough effort for 60 minutes. We had five minutes to win the game and we couldn’t.”

The coaching is a big part of this, but again, the Dolphins lack player talent, starting at Quarterback. Chad Henne was doing pretty well in passing, but Matt Moore (who has replaced Henne who’s out for the season) just isn’t very good. Neither are the best at making decisions. But the kicker is that the Dolphins’ offensive line has been horrendous in pass protection and are ranked 30th in the league.  On the run, they’ve been “okay,” respectable even. Bush is averaging 3.9 yards per carry, but his attempts are low. Because Miami’s stuffed rank is #2, I think Bush’s low numbers speak more to play calling than teams stacking up in preparation for Bush. Besides, he hasn’t warranted that consistently in years. Regardless, he should have more than 232 yards total for the season.

The Dolphins have remained competitive in games in the first half, including in their loss to the Jets. But the discipline issue is an issue. Throughout that Jets game, you could see a supreme lack of discipline from Miami’s primary star WR Brandon Marshall. Marshall has at times looked like he wanted nothing to do with the ball and less to do with contact even when running along the sidelines. Bush’s point about having no fight left in them is well-taken. Honestly, when you’re winless at this point in the season, your starting QB is out, it feels like why bother?

Sparano needs to find a way to get these guys motivated. The best scenario here is that the rest of their season is an advanced OTA in preparation for a better next season. But even that’s hard to rally around when you know your QB next year will either be Chad Henne or someone who will be starting from scratch. And even if it’s Andrew Luck, his last name is “luck” not “miracle.” The Dolphins need more of the latter than the former.

Still, the Dolphins just should not have lost to the Denver Broncos and I will never forgive them for increasing the hype around Tebow. They should be ashamed for that alone.


Crowd Chants “Tebow, Tebow” After Win (Video) — Also Tebow Exposes Analysts Hypocrisy

Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow

America's "It" Boy Tim Tebow Struggles At QB. On the bright side, those are some AMAZING ARMS! Even if they don't throw that well.

One day someone will explain the national obsession with Denver Broncos QB Tim Tebow in a way that makes me understand. But I don’t think that day is today.

In his first start for this season, Tebow led his team back from a 15 point deficit with 3 minutes to go. But it was against a hapless Miami Dolphins team whose coach is under so much fire he reportedly told one of the refs during the game that if a play wasn’t reviewed he was going to be fired.

Count me among those that think that benched QB Kyle Orton could have beat Miami as well-all without running backwards just to get the ball out of his hands. Personally, it’s just painful to watch Tebow play. It’s like watching a spider try to climb out of a toilet bowl. I’ve no interest in watching Tebow fight with himself in order to achieve the most basic of things.

Watching Kurt Warner talk about Tebow yesterday on NFL network was hilarious. He just couldn’t find anything nice to say. And with good reason.

I keep seeing people complain about how some analysts (Kurt Warner-types) are being too hard on Tebow when they criticize his mechanics and intangibles. The narrative that has emerged for Tebow is that “he finds a way to win” (said multiple times by announcers during the game) so essentially actually learning how to properly play QB isn’t important. I find that to be hilarious since those same analysts have HUGE issues with QBs (especially black ones!) that are non traditional and use the run as a central part of their game. They tend to think of them as stupid, not as competitors that “just find a way to win.”

That burns me up a little, however it’s not the point of this post.

The point of this post is  that the crowd chanting for Tebow after the game was fucking weird. By the way, if you need a complete summary of how fucking weird yesterday was in Tebow-land, check out ESPN’s recap (the lead photo on this article is a killer).





Troy Polamalu Passes Concussion Test. What’s a Concussion Test?

Pittsburgh Steelers Safety Troy Polamalu

Oh okay...

Football superhero safety Troy Polamalu was shaken up in the Steelers last game but has now passed his concussion test and could play in this week’s game. As I saw that news, I wondered what in the hell is involved with the concussion test. Well actually I wondered the last time Michael Vick passed the test, but this time I was actually not being too lazy to look it up.

Long story short, the test the NFL uses is the imPACT test. Some teams use the computerized version, others use paper and pencil. Don’t know how many teams use which version. I hopped over to the tests’ web site, and grabbed this info for those of you like me who have never had a concussion test and weren’t smart enough to guess what all it would involve.

The test:

  • Measures player symptoms
  • Measures verbal and visual memory, processing speed and reaction time
  • Reaction time measured to 1/100th of second
  • Assists clinicians and athletic trainers in making difficult return-to-play decisions
  • Provides reliable baseline test information
  • Automatically stores data from repeat testing
  • Takes About 20 minutes to complete
  • Measures multiple aspects of cognitive functioning in athletes, including:
  1. Attention span
  2. Working memory
  3. Sustained and selective attention time
  4. Response variability
  5. Non-verbal problem solving
  6. Reaction time

Some of the modules include:

  • Module 1: Word Memory
  • Module 2: Design Memory
  • Module 3: X’s and O’s
  • Module 4: Symbol Matching
  • Module 5: Color Match
  • Module 6: Three Letter Memory

Essentially the test aims to find out whether the player is having issues commonly associated with concussions like memory loss etc. You’re welcome!


It’s Official: 4 Quarterbacks Will Get Their First Starts Week 7

Raiders Quarterback Jason Campbell aka Young Lionel Richie has a career that is once again in the air. #PrayForYoungLionel

Lots of changes afoot at the quarterback position. Together, those changes mean that 4 new QBs will start on Sunday!

Who are they? What are the circumstances? I’m glad you asked.

1. Washington Redskins

Out = Rex Grossman

In = John Beck

Rex Grossman has been a below average QB for a long time, Super bowl appearance nonwithstanding. For some reason the Shanahan’s had it in their mind that they could turn him into something that he’s not-good. Great, even. After becoming a turnover machine the past couple games (including 4 interceptions in 3 quarters against the Eagles last week), Mike Shanahan realized what Bears fans knew a long time ago. There’s no country for Rex Grossman in football. John Beck, who I predicted would be the Redskins starter at the beginning of the season, is officially in (if you click on my link you can also see my totally wrong prediction regarding Tim Tebow). I just hope the Skins take my advice and never bench Beck for Grossman no matter how bad things get.

2. Oakland Raiders

Out = Jason Campbell

In = Carson Palmer

Raiders Coach Hue Jackson somehow convinced Dr. Evil, I mean, Mike Brown to give up Carson Palmer who he vowed to never trade. Palmer quit football (not retired) cause he was FED UP with Cincinnati’s bullshit. I think this could be a good move for the Raiders. I explained why in great detail here.

Can we just have a moment of silence for Jason Campbell? What a tumultuous career. This shows how shaky the NFL is. One minute you’re starting the next minute, you’re injured, replaced, and wondering if you’ll ever play again, much less start.

Let’s talk 6 degrees of separation. Campbell is a Redskins cast off. After going through 8 coaches in 6 years (exaggeration…but not by much), Campbell was shipped out to the Raiders in favor of Donovan McNabb, former Eagles QB who was benched for Rex Grossman. So you know where we’re going next…

3. Minnesota Vikings

Out = Donovan McNabb

In = Christian Ponder

McNabb is done but for some reason he still doesn’t know it. Now I thought he was mistreated in Washington, but due to the fact that he was benched over a year ago and hadn’t played football in a year, the likelihood of his skills deteriorating even more was high in the first place.McNabb is a curious case to me. I’m actually surprised he didn’t retire when the Eagles wanted to get rid of him. He’s made plenty of money and I don’t get any sort of “passionate about football” feelings from him. To hear him say he feels like he has a lot of football left…I’m just confused. Like…why? And why does he want to go from classy to ashy?

Don’t get me wrong, the Vikings aren’t good whether they have McNabb or not. They will probably be in about the same shape with Ponder as they were with McNabb unless he and Adrian Peterson can pull some sort of Cam Newton-Steve Smith/Andy Dalton-AJ Green thing. Still, now that their season is pretty much a wash, there’s no better time to go ahead and start a rookie. In fact, as I said before, if ever you DID have a rookie QB that couldn’t sit, this was the season to throw him out there. With no OTAs or mini-camps lots of guys are in the midst of a steep learning curve-not just rookies. Might as well give the young guys a season to start without massive consequences if they aren’t great the first year.

So you know where I’m going next right…

4. Denver Broncos

Out = Kyle Orton

In = Tim Tebow

Honeyyyyy what is going on? The Broncos are confusing to me. They ship out Brandon Lloyd (their best WR), and the reason (as speculated by many) is that they are clearing house to make room for guys that buy-in to Tebow. I get it, but I don’t understand it. Lloyd was headed toward Free Agency, I don’t think he would have handed in a poor performance knowing that he wanted to play somewhere else and this season would be an audition. Part of finding out whether a QB can be successful is putting him in a position to succeed. Getting rid of a strong route runner doesn’t seem geared toward that line of thinking. Also, I don’t get the sense from the Broncos leadership that they’re sure Tebow will be there past this season.

So I’m supposed to believe they’re building around an experiment. Anything is possible, but it sounds fishy to me. It feels like they are setting up Tebow to ensure he fails convincingly so that the fans can’t bitch when they get a new QB. He has to fail for leadership to get a trade/cut pass from the fans, he can’t just be “not good.” Not good may mean you’re stuck with him longer or risk “they never gave him a chance…” feelings. Either way, I support Tebow starting. There’s no better time to figure out what this young man has to offer-besides the personality of potted meat.









5 Reasons To Like The Raiders - Carson Palmer Deal

Hi Palmer, is that a one for "one last chance?"

Assuming that Jay Glazer is right in his report that Carson has been training and is football ready, I’m cool with this deal. I worry because it has been 9 months since Palmer played football or was involved in any sort of organized team activity. As we’ve seen thus far, with all the injuries to players, OTAs, camps and all that matter. You can work out until your heart’s content, but there’s something about preparing the muscles you use in practice and in play that apparently just can’t be totally replicated in singular workouts. To the Raiders credit, if Doug Farrar is correct, they’ve sourced their information regarding Palmer’s physical condition pretty well.

Besides those concerns, I like it for a few reasons.

1. It sends a sign to a team that hasn’t gone to the playoffs since…since…(aww hell somebody look it up)…that the team wants to win this year. And by win, I mean go to the playoffs. I’m not talking about Superbowl here. I think it’s clear that Terrell Pryor probably isn’t ready to play having been suspended for 5 games and having questionable mechanics and technique in the first place.Nobody on the Raiders wants to ‘start over’ with their season going this well. They want something proven, even if it is somewhat of a risk. I think this will be a morale boost for the guys.

Plus it’s hard to deny Palmer can get the ball in a receivers hands. Regardless of the 586 attempts he had to take last year to do it, he did pass for almost 4K yards and had a 61% completion rate. You can complain about short passes (he was under 7 yards an attempt) but guess what? Short screens are driving passing stats up this year, tis the world we live in. Jon Gruden doesn’t like it, I’m not necessarily a fan, but here we are.The game is evolving for better or worse.

Plus the Raiders have power house RB Darren McFadden. When all else fails direct snap or hand off. Just don’t give the appearance of starting over right now while the team is believing in itself.

2. Palmer wasn’t “terrible” last year, but certainly he wasn’t anything to write home about. 33 interceptions in his last 32 games leaves me thinking Rex Grossman caliber QB. On the other hand, Grossman may also still be starting in the league. And the Redskins are 3-2 which is further than a lot of people thought they’d be. Anyway, a not-good QBs can get you over the hump sometimes. I don’t see Palmer as an automatic suck…a possible one sure, but automatic? No. If Palmer has chemistry with his receivers and is low on turnovers the Raiders may have the last laugh.

3. Palmer has something to prove, and we might see a different guy given his new circumstances. Palmer spent the entire summer publicly arguing with Cincy owner Mike Brown and after getting nowhere with it decided to retire rather than play for the Bengals. This was a God send for them both. Cincy’s defense has improved tremendously this year, and rookie QB Andy Dalton and his primary receiver rookie AJ Green aren’t yet affected by how silly the organization has behaved the in the past. They’re simply happy to have an opportunity to play and things are running along better than expected.

Given the Bengals odd stats, which I blogged about before,  new offensive coordinator could also help Palmer give a better performance. There’s a reason Bob Bratowski doesn’t have a job right now. There’s also a reason Cedric Benson said he wouldn’t return to the Bengals if Bratowski did.

4. Palmer’s knee has likely gotten proper attention and rest. The popular theory is that Palmer hasn’t been great since his knee was injured. Probably true.  Athlete Performance, Palmer’s gym of choice, is pretty well known for the physical therapy aspect of their services. If his knee could be rehabilitated, there are not too many better places he could go to get it done. I haven’t forgotten that Palmer is getting up there in years but as I look at the QB landscape…so are a lot of people. Palmer is about 2 years older than backup Kyle Boller and has a year on Michael Vick.

5. Palmer and Coach Hue Jackson already know each other and are familiar with each other’s styles. Palmer shouldn’t have huge issues fitting into the offense right away. Again, the Raiders don’t need another shake up. An immediate good fit would be optimal for them.

On the issue of giving up first round picks for Palmer, I don’t care. I said this on twitter. I don’t think the Raiders have a lot of incentive to tie up guaranteed money in first round picks even if the new wage scale puts salaries at significantly less than what rookies made previously. If you go into the 2nd round you’re looking at even less money tied up and possibly similar impact.

The Raiders have given up a lot of picks in various deals however they also have mid-round picks coming their way due to the loss of Robert Gallery, Nnamdi Asomugha, Zach Miller, and Thomas Howard. If Palmer pans out for them they will have made a smart choice. If he doesn’t, they will just have to fish well in the upcoming drafts as they should anyway. The Patriots seem to do that sort of thing pretty well, no reason the Raiders can’t reverse their tide.

Speaking of the Patriots, wouldn’t Ryan Mallet look awesome in a Raiders uni??? I’m just saying! I love that man and I’m ready to see him play so I plug it every chance I get.






Nnamdi Asomugha Lowers the Boom on Chris Cooley (in textbook fashion)

After weeks of Eagles missing tackles (13 in one game) they finally got back to fundamentals yesterday against their division rival Redskins. Even CB Asante Samuel, who is really not here for all that tackling and whatnot, hurt his back trying to take down Fred Davis. I hope this is a sign of what’s to come.

The biggest surprise tackle was the boom Nnamdi Asomugha laid on Chris Cooley which ended Cooley’s day and broke his hand. Reports are that Cooley’s hand will need surgery.

What I liked about Asomugha’s tackle is that it was textbook with no frills. A lot defensive players deliver hits that are “clean” by rules standards but fundamentally incorrect. I hate when I see a defensive player hit someone and then get up as shaken as the other player cause of over zealousness and/or poor technique. I mean, what’s the point of taking someone out if you take yourself out too? Who doesn’t remember when then Baltimore Ravens Safety Dawan Landry hit Tampa Bay Bucs RB Cadillac Williams and gave HIMSELF a concussion? No good.



If Asomugha keeps hitting like this, his teammates “might” actually learn to say his name.


Why I Said Ochocinco to New England Patriots Would Be A Mistake

New England Patriot Chad Ochocinco Catches a Basketball Game

Yeah, I know the feeling Chad. Trust me.

I hate making predictions. Why? Cause I hate being completely wrong. I predicted former Cincinnati Bengal Chad Ochocinco would sign with the Raiders and be reunited with his good friend Coach Hue Jackson. But that didn’t happen. Ocho publicly pleaded to play for New England. At the end of the lockout he got his wish.

I couldn’t understand his thinking. I tweeted about it then (before it ever happened, or looked like it would happen). But now I’ll give my full explanation with some added details now that the season is here.

The first reason I worried about Ocho to New England was because of his age (33) and the fact that if you’re not productive on the team you’re traded to, most older players don’t suddenly become “journeymen.” They just fade into existence. Terrell Owens and Randy Moss are exceptions to this rule, but also their level of talent is much greater. But for most players once you’ve spent 9 years on one team, your next stop is your last stop. Better make it a good one.

Actually, this reminds me of Ocho’s former teammate WR T.J. Houshmandzadeh.

Hous and Ocho played together in Cincy, and Hous put up numbers good enough to be considered a free agent prize when he left the team. Seattle was his eventual landing spot.  Seattle released him after one “okay” season (even though he came at a pretty high price). The Ravens picked him up for the veteran minimum and also released him after one season-though I suspect that his lack of production there had as much to do with the team as it did his own abilities. The Ravens could barely get Anquan Boldin involved in big games and he is undoubtedly a talent.

Point is, older players usually don’t get multiple seasons on new teams to prove themselves. It’s now or never. Hous is currently a man without a team.

Now here we find Chad Ochocinco barreling toward a similar circumstance of “well you didn’t have the impact I thought you would so therefore you must suck.” Low production for a season, advanced age, and the appearance that you did really badly on a very good team is an image killer.

And that is right where Ocho seems headed. He was never going to be “the man” in New England. Tom Brady spreads the ball as well as anybody but he does already have favorite targets like Wes Welker and also Rob Gronkowski.

The last cut the Pats made of a popular WR was Randy Moss whose ability to both run a route oddly to confuse defenders—typical of elite receivers— and still manage to get into place for the catch endeared him to Brady (who says he still talks to Moss on the phone). At this point, I don’t know what would be the endearing factor between Ocho and Brady but I hope Ocho finds one soon.

When Doug Farrar  of Yahoo’s Shut Down Corner blog looked at footage of the Pats versus the Bills he tweeted that Brady was often choosing to throw to one of the other receivers even if that receiver was covered and Ocho was open.

That will take time to fix, the question is will the Pats give him that time?

Beyond what low numbers do to a receiver’s future marketability, Ocho’s interest in being on the Pats team was odd to me from a marketing perspective.

When Ocho first started publicly saying he wanted to play for the patriots I suspected that he may have only said it as a way of sticking a finger in the eye of his dysfunctional team. Everyone has great respect for Belichick and Tom Brady and that mentioning wanting to play with them is a great way to highlight the fact that your team is nothing like them.

The Patriots are EVERYTHING that Cincy is not from a playing style, front office, management, coaching, and personnel perspective. But the Patriots also have not won a Super bowl in years, and have not been particularly successful in the playoffs recently.

In 2010, a public plea to play for the Pats is more of a thumbing of the nose rather than a genuine desire win a Super Bowl before your career is over—especially if you’re already 32.

For all the chatting that Chad Ochocinco likes to do, he is well-known through the league for his commitment to conditioning and his willingness to be a team player. I know that second part sounds strange given some of the dramatics that have occurred, but remember, this is Cincy we’re talking about.

But what Ochocinco is NOT known for is what matters the most to the Patriots—discipline on the football field. Heavy film study. Approaching the game from an intellectual standpoint FIRST and foremost. And sacrificing personal production in the interest of Tom Brady spreading the ball and keeping defenses guessing at which eligible receiver will be targeted next.

Why a player who likes to play as loose as Chad, and likes the spotlight as much as he does would want to sign with the Men-in-Black-Memory-Erasing Patriots organization is a mystery. Especially at a point in his career where his antics off field are actually very necessary.

If Ocho is going to remain relevant post-football he needs to keep up the momentum he had with his reality show work. Why would someone who is at the end of their career but wants to remain in the spotlight go to a team where the Coach says he doesn’t “myface or yearbook” and probably doesn’t think you should either?

It just felt like a bad match to me, and it still does.

The whole issue of not having OTAs and mini-camps has reared its ugly head in lots of ways-from the high number of ACL tears to obvious player discomfort with new playbooks and schemes.

Chad isn’t alone, but that doesn’t mean he will keep his job. I’m rooting for him to make yet another one of my predictions wrong. I hope his time with the Patriots is a success.



Emotional Romocoaster: Cowboys Romo is a HUGE Disappointment and a Gigantic Success

Dallas Cowboys Dez Bryant

oh wow! You mean there are Cowboys NOT named Tony Romo?

Apparently the Cowboys still enjoy some semblance of being America’s team or whatever cause the Redskins/Cowboys Monday Night Football game got the highest week 3 ratings EVER!  Eva eva? Yes, eva eva. But then again, the NFL is rising in popularity all around so maybe all credit shouldn’t be given to Cowboys marketing and the storied rivalry between them and the Skins.

I fell asleep on this super exciting game right after one of the teams kicked the 5th field goal. Don’t ask me which one cause I don’t like lying in public.

I think the game played out as expected with both defenses playing hard and the stars having a good showing (Demarcus Ware and Brian Orakpo, for example). And at the end, being personified by whichever QB made the last critical mistake. Which in this case was Redskins QB Rex Grossman. I wonder what his haters are saying this morning?

The real story of the week was whether Tony NoNo would play with the cracked rib and miraculously healed punctured lung he sustained in the game against the world famous San Francisco 49ers. And, also,  whether CB Deangelo Hall would take a hurting to any of NoNo’s injuries. Tony delivered. Deangelo lost his package.

I hope Romo doesn’t read a lot of sports sites. Really, no athlete should. But Romo especially given the fact that if he paid attention to what’s said about him even he wouldn’t know what to think of himself.

Romo has been crucified and resurrected more times than any QB in recent memory. I hear there’s a 3rd testament to the bible in the works that covers only Romo’s career. He has been carried to the morgue then dug up and paraded through the streets like a hero several times this season already—and it’s only Week 3.

Why can’t the media just finally decide how fucking good they think Romo is or isn’t and stop taking us on an emotional Romocoaster?

Here’s the real as I see it. As a QB, Romo is…OKAY…GOOD…SOLID…RESPECTABLE. He’s not in my top 10, he’s not elite, but he’s not terrible, embarrassing , middling or below average. He’s just fine. He’s in a comfortable quarterback suite that features a three tier bunk bed with Jay Cutler on top and Mark Sanchez on the bottom. #NoRomo (I’m sorry, but why is his name so much fun!)

Romo makes some critical mistakes at some of the worst times.  Sometimes he wins in spite of them and sometimes he loses badly. That’s what makes him GOOD and not great. But he’s not the only person on the team and he damn sure doesn’t coach himself. Ain’t nothing in this world wrong with having a solid QB. In fact, in this league it’s a blessing.

But back to my point. Romo is 31…he’s not a youngin anymore. We should have decided what we think about him already. But because sports is nothing without superlatives, and “good” just isn’t a good enough in the world of SEO, we are alternately told that Romo is huge disappointment or a gigantic under-appreciated success depending on whether a groundhog sees his shadow that day or not.

Quite frankly, I’m tired of it.

I remember one of my favorite players, Demarcus Ware, complaining about his ranking on the NFL Top 100 players list among other griping about not getting his due. It’s quite possible Ware doesn’t get his due in part because people are too busy talking about Romo to realize there are other Cowboys.

The great talent that is Dez Bryant could barely get a mention until the world found out he was in diamond debt. Nary a peep about Miles Austin until he dated and then promptly dumped hot hottie Kim Kardashian.

The next time people are so inclined to discuss how good Romo is consider it a well-worn NoNo and give some lip service to one of the other Cowboys. Sean Lee perhaps?



5 Things in the NFL That Must be STOPPED

1. Calling Ndamukong Suh dirty -

Detroit Lions Ndamukong Suh

Look at this little baby face! Now is this the face of somebody who would take your QB and throw him around like a rag doll? (hint: the answer is yes)

I’m not prepared to say that Suh is dirty yet. Right now I think he’s exuberant. Excitable. Enthusiastic. Perhaps passionate to a fault. But dirty? No. Suh’s no Hines Ward or Cortland Finnegan. He’s just over zealous sometimes and I think that’s okay. I have a feeling he will learn how to channel it (and get away with it).

2. Thursday Night games — Yeah I said it! Starting week 9 there will be a game every Thursday night for the rest of the season (same as last year). The NFL is in talks to have Thursday night games all season long on a network other than NFLnetwork. I do not want this. Football takes up a lot of my time. And as a person who has no life, but aspires to have one one day, being consumed with football on Sunday, Monday and Thursday is not gonna help me find a husband. Or even a baby daddy, for that matter.



3. Nnamdi Asomugha’s hair -

Nnamdi got tired of everyone raving about how handsome he is so he decided to put this thing on his head.

Let me start out by saying “no shade” “no offense” “not trying to insult anyone” “just my 2 cents” and all other sorts of disclaimers you give before you say something bordering on mean. I have tried to ignore Nnamdi’s hair because he’s just so darn great otherwise. But today, he was on MSNBC’s Education Nation panel (and did a fabulous job) and his hair was as wrong as ever. I AM FED UP NNAMDI! I have had it up to here with your bullshit.  I want that thing on your head gone by Sunday or you are going to feel the wrath. Sort of. No you won’t. But still. You need to cut that shit off.

4. Rex Grossman -

Washington Redskins Rex Grossman

When Rex speaks I want to make him choose between silence and violence.

Rex Grossman is such douchelord. I hate that term but I don’t know how else to describe him. The more he wins the more miserable it will be for fans across America. He is just annoying. I mean, he really thinks he has HATERS. Rex, you don’t have haters, you have people who’ve watched you play before. Had the Skins beat the Cowboys we would have heard all sorts of unwanted commentary from Rex all week. Even God refused to let that happen. Is there something about the name Rex that requires you to be too chatty for my tastes! Cause Rex Ryan doesn’t exactly soothe my nerves either.

5. Quarterback Injuries - I don’t know how to stop this, but I’m already worn out by Mark Sanchez’s broken nose, Tony Romo’s ribs and lung, Michael Vick’s concussion and bruised-but-you-know-it’s-probably-broken hand, Matt Ryan’s knee, Peyton’s neck, Kerry Collins’ concussion. We haven’t even found out what kind of injury Jay Cutler is definitely going to sustain yet. I just don’t want to see a whole lot of sloppy starting-Quarterbackless football.

I’m open to other things that MUST BE STOPPED, but this is my list.


NFL Ads Prove That EVERYONE Has Lost Their Fantasy Football Loving Ass Minds

Jamaal Charles Fantasy Football Ad

Are football players human beings AT ALL? Doesn't seem like people think so.

It’s barely Week 3 in the NFL and I’ve already seen a bunch of posts on blogs and sites about how people are annoying the hell out of them talking about their Fantasy Football points. I always wonder if people realize how crazy they sound when they talk about how they could have won had they only sat so and so. Or, they picked so and so last year and he didn’t do anything and now he’s balling out.

Kinda makes you wonder if they watch football at all. Football is a VIOLENT sport that is based on MATCHUPs which can change from season to season given the relative PARITY of the NFL. Once you realize this, you understand that winning Fantasy Football is as much about LUCK as it is about skill. In fact, even more so about the luck of the draw. And nobody wants to hear about your good and bad luck every damn week.

Fantasy football has become big business. So much so that the NFL now requires stadiums to post Fantasy updates. That was the first sign that the NFL, too, had lost it’s fantasy football loving ass mind. Can you say “gamblers anonymous?”

The first ad I saw and disliked was last week’s Chris Johnson ad that said “your fantasy picks not performing up to your expectations? Pick again on” or something to that effect. A photo of Chris Johnson was on the front of the ad that had him looking so somber you’d think he’d had a bad season. That would be fine…if it wasn’t week fuckin two!

Now this week they come out with this Jamaal Charles ad which is totally and completely inhumane. You can’t tell exactly what injury Charles has in the photo but his face appears swollen due to his cheeks being puffed in pain. And his expression is one of pure agony. If you follow football you know why-the poor man ripped his knee to shreds which ended his season. How this makes anyone MORE concerned about their Fantasy Football leagues and LESS about a player shows the level of detachment we have to this MEN also known as human beings.

I’m not getting all Arian Foster on your ass and telling you not to worry about Fantasy Football at all when players go down. Clearly, lots of you have money at stake. In fact, if there were no money at stake there’d be less incentive for everything surrounding Fantasy Football to be so effing tasteless.

But when the NFL joins the ranks of people who just don’t “get” that portraying one of its own as some lifesize Madden savage is offensive I get worried. It makes me wonder how much they really respect the humanity of these guys who make this game what it is week after week. Do they realize they are using someone’s excruciating pain to promote what is really just a game in the loosest sense of the word?

And for the record, I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the NFL used two dark skinned players with locks for these ads. There is a subconscious association of such black men to violence and beastliness. Brian on twitter pointed out to me that hey probably never would use Peyton Manning for such an ad. I think there’s some validity to that.

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