Darren Sharper

I assume Jarred Allen is skeptical about the defense across the league right now

1. Atlanta Falcons Fans

As an Atlanta Falcon fan I am HEATED. I’m almost glad I missed the game. The Bears gave them an afternoon they won’t soon forget. This, after Roddy White had a T-shirt made that said “unacceptable” and had the Packers/Falcons score from last year’s first round of the playoffs (where they also got whooped) on the back. This after Sports Illustrated’s Peter King pegged the Falcons to win the SuperBowl.

I never jump off a cliff after week 1. And I do remember very well that the Bears went to the NFC Championship game with their QB lying prostrate the entire time. And the Falcons have started off bad and picked it up after week 3. But this ain’t the preferred way to start a season. It’s one thing to lose, it’s something different not to be competitive. The Falcons have the same core offense they had last year. They added pieces to the pass rush and reworked their secondary (though it still lacking). Consistency and talent was supposed to take this team to a fast start. That didn’t happen. And I’m not happy about it!

2. Peyton Manning’s neck

Now you’d think that Colts fans and the Colts organization would be angrier than Peyton Manning’s neck. But how mad would you be if you prematurely ended the career of someone you’ve been eating, breathing, working and sleeping with for 36 years? It wasn’t supposed to happen like this! Manning’s neck has stuck closely by him for so long and now, toward the end of an illustrious career, he can no longer control himself? He…it….cannot possibly be happy.

3. Running Backs

Hey man, nobody cares about yall anymore. And by nobody I mean coaches, offensive coordinators and quarterbacks. Running backs are so irrelevant that the Philadelphia Eagles, arguably the deepest defensive team in the league have all but admitted that their linebackers will only be seen on a 3rd and 1. And they dare you to run on them. GO AHEAD. MAKE MY DAY.

Last night, New England Patriots Tom Brady passed for over 500 yards on the Miami Dolphins. That’s crazy enough but check this: Fins QB Chad Henne passed for over 400 yards. I SAID CHAD HENNE PASSED FOR OVER 400 YARDS. I SAID CHAD HENNE PASSED OVER 400 YARDS. I wrote that three times cause some people use the skim, scan, scroll method to read and I didn’t want anyone to gloss over the fact that CHAD HENNE PASSED FOR OVER 400 YARDS.

Together, Brady and Henne combined for 906 and now hold the record for most combined total passing yards in a game.

Am I awake?

Maurice Jones-Drew and LaGarrette Blount became the first two star RBs to complain about not getting enough playing time. Hey man, nobody cares about yall anymore. Tight Ends are getting 50+ receptions. Elite ones like Jason Witten are getting 90. Hey man, nobody cares about yall anymore.

Maybe as the season goes on offenses will develop some feelings for their running backs. I mean the extremely pass-happy New Orleans Saints let lil baby Darren Sproles go buck wild the other night. They say that people can fall for each other after they’re already married. It’s entirely possible that in a few weeks coaches will will see their running backs sitting on the bench or looking lonely near the line and say “hey…you wanna go out some time?” On the other hand, we could get to week 16 and find out that offenses like running backs…just not “in that way.” Unless of course your last name is Johnson (Tenn), Peterson (Minn) or Williams (Car).

4. Pittsburgh Steelers Defense

Their blood rivals beat their asses like they got caught stealing out of the team giftshop. This needs no further explanation. They gotta be PISSED.

5.Chad Ochocinco (honorable mention to his “fiance” Evelyn Lozada)

If I were to write a book about Chad Ochocinco and his made-for-television fiance Evelyn Lozada (which I would NEVER do), I would call it “Of Meal Tickets and Attention Whoring.” It’s a snappy little story about a guy who was the center of attention in a small town. A man who was the best player on a bad team. A guy who used a charismatic personality to climb all the way to the middle. And once he got to the middle, he figured dating a reality comet (I wouldn’t yet call her a star), would help him get to the bottom of the top (even though he had referred to the same woman as a whore on his twitter feed the year before). But then he left the bad team in the small town where no one ever paid attention to him breaking off routes preferring to shift all the blame to Carson Palmer’s knee, to go to a place where on and off-field discipline is demanded. Where you’re expected to not only know the playbook like that thing on the back of your hand, but to carve out a specific role for yourself. Or as my uncle used to say “earn your keep.” And while Chad struggles to learn the Patriots system, his newly minted feyawnsay is doing provocative photoshoots with the Boston Herald (what the hell are yall putting the clam chowdah to come up with something like this?) and swearing she’s no jersey chaser despite affairs with former NBA Boston Celtics players Antoine Walker and Kenny Anderson.

This book would be based on a true story, so since it’s week 1 the ending hasn’t been written yet. But suffice it to say, there may be some cutting going on by Week 7 if things don’t start looking up. Chad needs some reps, and he didn’t get many chances to prove himself last night. That’s gotta be frustrating for him and his tag along cookie, Evelyn.

6. Cam Newton Detractors

Before I begin, I’d like to say to all those who want to see Cam fail: hahahahahahah bwahahahahaha hahahaahh muwahahahahahahahahaahahah.

*sigh*

yeah I know it’s Week 1. And I know they played the Arizona Cardinals whose defense is holier than a Tyler Perry movie. And yes I know they lost. But come on! He passed for over 400 yards. In the clips I saw, Newton looked big and strong and capable (wait, are we still talking about football?). He seems to have fixed his laser eye that tells every dude on defense who he’s about to throw to. When he gets that backfoot squared away he will be kicking more ass than Anderson Silva and taking more names than Nevin Shapiro. I can feel it. I CAN FEEL IT!

It bothers me that Cam Newton inspires so much disdain. This whole idea that kids should be held more responsible than adults for their actions is astounding to me. A guy gets accused of breaking a few NON-VIOLENT rules and all of sudden everyone in the public turns into Mother Teresa. This is football, if you want to see girl scouts buy some cookies.

7. Broke Has-beens (ouch…but I didn’t know a better way to say it! I swear I’m a sweet girl!)

If ever there was a year not to be a financially devastated elderly team cancer looking for team, it was this one. Tiki Barber and Terrell Owens have both learned this the hard way. Even for team players whose pockets are straight (like Clinton Portis and Darren Sharper), the interested teams were slim. The current league boasts lots of rookie starters and with the shortened practice period it seems like the right time to just go ahead and give them their reps.

When it comes to Owens and Barber, I imagine teams looking at their phones when their agent’s call, laughing and saying “What I look like getting back to a has beeeeen. Yeah, I said it. Has been. Hang it up. FLAT SCREEN.” Sorry. lol

8. The Few People Who Still Play for the Giants

The season just started and the Giants have some exciting players currently active. Those include Steve Smith…wait…no, I meant Plaxico Burress…oh naw naw…Kevin Boss…ooo hmmm….Osi Umenyiora…oh wait…he’s out…Justin Tuck…oh umm…their brand new highly touted rookie CB Prince Amukamara…oh dammit! A lot of the guys you associate with the Giants have either moved on to other teams or are nursing injuries. The Giants have  8 defensive players out for the season.

The ones that are actually playing were left to get a serious smackdown from the Washington Redskins and their quarterback Re…Re….Re…I can’t even type his name. Anyway, you know that dude that passes the ball or whatever for that one football team in Washington. Him! He balled out on the Giants and there is no way in hell anyone is more angry than the players who had to endure the douchbaggery that is Re…Re…ughhhh

Definitely not a Giants fan, but my heart goes out to them!

9. Anterior Cruciate Ligaments

Before the season started, we were at about 11 achilles tears. Now we’re up to 9023939029343. It’s just getting ridiculous. Player ACLs have been texting each other tips for staying healthy. So far the tips they’re sharing are not working.

10. Defensive Players

You can probably tell by reading this blog that I am ALL about defense. Offense doesn’t really move me beyond whatever the tight ends are doing. Blame Shannon Sharpe for that. Defensive schemes and philosophies are where my heart lies. Defensive back is my favorite position. Linebackers make me swoon. Defensive Ends get my attention. Defensive Tackles get my heart pumping. The best thing about defense is there’s always something more to learn.

The worst thing about defense-there’s always something to learn. It’s clear that defenses across the league are struggling to adapt to all the damn creativity. I find it hard to believe that offenses are just this damn good. I think that defenses are so caught up with giving QBs different looks the players are confused as to where to be. This is just a hunch. I plan to blog about this more next week as I get more of an opportunity to get caught up on which teams have installed what and how it’s shaping up.

But to give you one good example, I’ll use my Eagles (YES I LIKE THE EAGLES AND FALCONS, HAVEN’T WE GONE THROUGH THIS ALREADY?). During Pre-season, alleged CB Nnamdi Asomugha lined up on the right, behind the DE, as a safety, and in the slot all in one game. Watching Asomugha during the Eagles-Rams game was like playing “Where’s Waldo?” except Waldo was dressed like everyone else. And his damn face was covered, which makes the game almost entirely impossible to win. The Eagles also rotated 8 on the line to keep legs fresh. Technically that means 8 dudes are “starting” just on the line. That’s more players that have to learn more than base defense.  I could have sworn I heard one of them say “Where am I? Who am I?” at one point. Or maybe that was me.

I think defensive players have a difficult task right now. Again, I want to revisit this at a later date when I have more to go on. But remember, many rules have been implemented to give offense an advantage. (OMG Can Goodell fine me for saying that?) But looking at this week’s games you’d never know that “more offense” was needed. Defenses can’t be happy with the points and yards that have been given up in week 1.

I thought I’d been doing a great job staying up on some of the more technical things going on related to the NFL…helmet design, affects of concussions and that sort of thing. But yesterday @and1grad and @Milkipedia mentioned the subject of mouth guards and how some say it could prevent a player from getting a concussion.

I did some research, and this discussion has been taking place since 2006 with blogs and even ESPN covering the fact that the NFL has resisted investing any money into the research to see how effective the use of a specific type of mouthguard would be in concussion prevention.

That’s not surprising.

But what is surprising is that the mouth guards recommended by Tufts Dental School (the source of the research), only cost $400 (well at least at the time of the Bleacher article in 2007).

At $395, the guard fits on the back molars and is comprised of an acrylic mold held together by three stainless steel bands, which rest behind the teeth.

“The biggest thing is it is extremely doctor-patient sensitive,” Maher said. “You have to diagnose correctly and put the jaw in the right position.”

During his 20-plus years promoting the mouthpiece, Maher said he has worked with 200-300 Patriots players and nearly 1,000 people overall, with positive results.

Still, both he and Mehta are quick to stress that the mouth guard could only lessen concussions endured from blows to the jaw—not for hits directly to the helmet or neck.

Here’s my thinking, regardless of whether the research is totally proven, if this kind of mouthpiece can’t hurt, I say buy one if it possible. I’d buy one for my brother/cousin/uncle etc. if he were playing in the NFL. I figure it can’t hurt-even if it only helps insofar as the blow is to the jaw. As far as I know the NFL doesn’t require mouth pieces nor do they require a specific kind. Definitely correct me if I’m wrong.

With the rate of former players experiencing neurological and psychological problems ranging from very early dementia to depression, this is something I’d like to know more about.

I guess the biggest issue here might be how informed the players are about stuff like this. I think most players like to bury their heads in the sand on many topics related to their health. But if something that is about the price of a bottle of champagne could possibly maybe might in some way help me, I’d get into it.

It’s kind of nice to see players getting to know their bodies better and getting open to new things. I loved this acupuncture article! The acupuncturist is working with 40 NFL players and it’s quite an interesting story. And lots of players from Darren Sharper to Kerry Rhodes sleep in hyperbaric chambers (which I personally find to be horrifying), so the interest in all forms of prevention and recovery is there.

From the acupuncture article this was hilarious:

Steelers linebacker James Harrison takes more than 300 needles, and Giants defensive end Osi Umenyiora begs for fewer than 40. Jets cornerback Darrelle Revis hates needles and grips the table as if under attack.

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH Does it surprise anyone that Harrison is tough?

On a side note, I thought these bits of info were interesting from the ESPN article on mouthguards:

Maher has been working on mouthpieces since the late 1970s, when he first started to talk with local legend (and patient) Marvin Hagler about why some boxers can take a punch while others have glass jaws. In adapting mouthguards for football players over the years, Maher has developed a protective device that looks and feels like a retainer. Two small pieces of acrylic, joined by stainless steel bands, fit securely onto to the lower molars. That leaves more room to talk and breathe than traditional “bite-and-boil” upper mouthpieces.

Maher is not the first person to suggest that mouthguards can prevent head injuries in football. In 1963, a team of dentists outfitted Notre Dame with custom-made pieces and reported a dramatic decrease in concussions. Today, the NCAA mandates mouthguards for all its football players. The American Dental Association and the American Academy of Pediatrics recommend them for high school players, too, in part because they “may reduce the severity and incidence of concussions.” Last season, more than 2,000 football players in the Philadelphia school system wore “Brain-Pads,” mouthpieces that are not custom-fitted but are designed to be clenched between the upper and lower teeth.

I know a lot of people don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions but I do. I made a list of things I want to change over the next year and decade. I think I did a really good job, so it follows that I’d make some resolutions for other people. To help out people in and around the NFL, I made a list of resolutions that I personally think others should make.

Roger Goodell - Begin to apply fines equitably across the league.

Donovan McNabb - Learn the difference between being professional and being a pushover.

James Harrison - Relearn the fundamentals of tackling.

Braylon Edwards - Utilize cabs.

Troy Polamalu - Put some bass in your voice.

Ryan Clark - Ignore the heckling on twitter.

Darren Sharper - Come to terms with being 35.

Brett Favre - Fall back in love with your wife Deanna.

Andy Reid - Resign.

Michael Vick - Spend money more wisely.

DeSean Jackson - Balance having fun with being professional.

Roddy White - Get media training.

Coy Wire, Cortland Finnegan - Hold a press conference announcing whether you’re black or white.

Rex Ryan - Put your face in the videos so that your wife isn’t the only one exposed.

Terrell Owens - Begin to take responsibility for your shortcomings.

Shawne Merriman - Sleep in a hyperbaric chamber and stretch before practice.

Maurice Jones-Drew, LaGarrette Blount, Michael Turner - Do side bends or situps, but please don’t lose that butt.

Eli Manning - Stand in the mirror and repeat “I am somebody” before leaving the house each day.

Jerry Jones - Consider the opinions of others.

Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears, and Washington Redskins - Improve your  awful offensive lines.

Announcers, analysts, and media outlets — Stop mentioning dogfighting every time you mention Michael Vick.

Gus Johnson - Call more games of all kinds.

Bob Costas - Tone the dramatics down a notch.

Jon Gruden - Lobby for the HC gig in Cincy.

Collinsworth - Think before you speak and get some black friends.

Bob Papa - Point to Theisman and Millen and inform your bosses that you simply cannot work under these conditions.

NFLPA - Continue to make the NFLPA truly friendly toward the players and improve the information contained on the lockout site.

This is my quick list, but use the comments to tell other players, announcers, and NFL management and ownership what you think they should work on in 2011.