Jan

02

New Years Resolutions Around the League

Posted by J Dan in Andy Reid, Braylon Edwards, Brett Favre, Chicago Bears, Coaches, Cortland Finnegan, Coy Wire, Darren Sharper, DeSean Jackson, Donovan McNabb, Eli Manning, Humor, James Harrison, LaGarrette Blount, Maurice Jones-Drew, Michael Turner, Michael Vick, NFC East, NFC North, Philadelphia Eagles, Rex Ryan, Roddy White, Ryan Clark, Troy Polamalu, Washington Redskins

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I know a lot of people don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions but I do. I made a list of things I want to change over the next year and decade. I think I did a really good job, so it follows that I’d make some resolutions for other people. To help out people in and around the NFL, I made a list of resolutions that I personally think others should make.

Roger Goodell - Begin to apply fines equitably across the league.

Donovan McNabb - Learn the difference between being professional and being a pushover.

James Harrison - Relearn the fundamentals of tackling.

Braylon Edwards - Utilize cabs.

Troy Polamalu - Put some bass in your voice.

Ryan Clark - Ignore the heckling on twitter.

Darren Sharper - Come to terms with being 35.

Brett Favre - Fall back in love with your wife Deanna.

Andy Reid - Resign.

Michael Vick - Spend money more wisely.

DeSean Jackson - Balance having fun with being professional.

Roddy White - Get media training.

Coy Wire, Cortland Finnegan - Hold a press conference announcing whether you’re black or white.

Rex Ryan - Put your face in the videos so that your wife isn’t the only one exposed.

Terrell Owens - Begin to take responsibility for your shortcomings.

Shawne Merriman - Sleep in a hyperbaric chamber and stretch before practice.

Maurice Jones-Drew, LaGarrette Blount, Michael Turner - Do side bends or situps, but please don’t lose that butt.

Eli Manning - Stand in the mirror and repeat “I am somebody” before leaving the house each day.

Jerry Jones - Consider the opinions of others.

Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears, and Washington Redskins - Improve your  awful offensive lines.

Announcers, analysts, and media outlets — Stop mentioning dogfighting every time you mention Michael Vick.

Gus Johnson - Call more games of all kinds.

Bob Costas - Tone the dramatics down a notch.

Jon Gruden - Lobby for the HC gig in Cincy.

Collinsworth - Think before you speak and get some black friends.

Bob Papa - Point to Theisman and Millen and inform your bosses that you simply cannot work under these conditions.

NFLPA - Continue to make the NFLPA truly friendly toward the players and improve the information contained on the lockout site.

This is my quick list, but use the comments to tell other players, announcers, and NFL management and ownership what you think they should work on in 2011.


TaggedJerry Jones, , ,
About J Dan
Football-obsessed Writer and Blogger. I'm the Goodwitch of the NFL.
  • http://twitter.com/Milkipedia Milkipedia

    Why would you exile Gruden to that accursed franchise?

  • http://www.mediastrut.com J Danielle

    You think they’re accursed? I think Gruden should resist the lure of a large market and go somewhere where he’ll be given more than one season to make a difference. And he has roots in the area. I was looking out for him!!

  • Milkipedia

    Cincy is accursed in the sense that they need a complete top-to-bottom overhaul to sort out the disciplinary issues they have as an organization. No less than 3 years to make such a transformation, and maybe longer if you’re trying to build a team through the draft.



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