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Brett Favre

2/10/11

ESPN Calls Brett Favre To Announce That Aaron Rodgers is A Better Lover

For the past 23948092343 years sports journalists and media outlets like ESPN have been working over time to tell us how big Brett Favre’s quarterback penis is. I maintain that Favre is one of, if not the most, overrated quarterback in the history of the game.

This is not to say that Favre wasn’t good–he absolutely was. But he’s also a beneficiary of golden boy deference. Over the years he’s charmed the microphones and pens right off your favorite journalists. But it’s not his fault that his aw shucks country boy routine has been effective, he isn’t in this alone.

Sports media scrambles like hell to crown to someone. Always in a hurry to have a debate about who’s the best right now, who’s the best ever. That’s the kind of conversation that dominates sports coverage. Personally, I find it tiring. I’m also not a man, so that could explain my disinterest in turning every.fucking.thing into a head to head competition and debate.

As you can see on this blog, I rarely ever write posts like that. To me, sports is bigger than that–I can appreciate one player for his individual contributions to the game and not just what he has contributed in comparison to someone else.

But I digress.

After so many years of lying in sports-writing bed with Favre, stroking his blond locks and rubbing his feet with the vigor of Rex Ryan, sports media has now decided that Rodgers is the best thing since sliced WHITE bread. And in order to make sure we all go along with the incessant cooing over Rodgers that will take place until another fair skinned rocket thrower appears on the scene, ESPN has to do just like every other man:  Tell everybody JUST HOW FUCKING MUCH BETTER HE IS THAN THE LAST GUY THEY FUCKED.

For your viewing pleasure courtesy of Sportscenter’s twitter account:

See You In Canton? Brett Favre vs. Aaron Rodgers - 1st 52 car... on Twitpic

And for the record, Super Bowl 45 or none, Ben Roethlisberger still kicks ass!!

1/2/11

NFL Fines Brett Favre 4.5 Minutes of Pay for Sexting Scandal

I wasn’t going to blog on this because I didn’t do it in a timely manner. But once I saw that CNBC’s Sportsbiz journalist Darren Rovell did the math on this, I couldn’t resist. According to Rovell Brett Favre makes $11,373 per minute of every game. The $50K fine levied by the league amounts to about 4.5 minutes of pay.

Rovell later went on to wonder if Favre would have been fined $100K had he tripped Sterger rather than subjected her to his penis via short message service. That comment was a reference to the now infamous Sal Alosi case in which the Jets strength and conditioning coach was caught on tape tripping a Dolphins player during a game. Rovell also mentioned that Wrangler wouldn’t comment on the case but that Favre still retains his endorsement.

Oh and if you’re not following Rovell on twitter, he’s definitely worth the follow. His timeline contains some interesting gems. For example the other day he tweeted that Lebron James items command the most on ebay and that the NBA is off to its greatest regular season in history with ratings up by 30%.

1/2/11

New Years Resolutions Around the League

I know a lot of people don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions but I do. I made a list of things I want to change over the next year and decade. I think I did a really good job, so it follows that I’d make some resolutions for other people. To help out people in and around the NFL, I made a list of resolutions that I personally think others should make.

Roger Goodell – Begin to apply fines equitably across the league.

Donovan McNabb – Learn the difference between being professional and being a pushover.

James Harrison – Relearn the fundamentals of tackling.

Braylon Edwards – Utilize cabs.

Troy Polamalu – Put some bass in your voice.

Ryan Clark – Ignore the heckling on twitter.

Darren Sharper – Come to terms with being 35.

Brett Favre – Fall back in love with your wife Deanna.

Andy Reid – Resign.

Michael Vick – Spend money more wisely.

DeSean Jackson – Balance having fun with being professional.

Roddy White – Get media training.

Coy Wire, Cortland Finnegan – Hold a press conference announcing whether you’re black or white.

Rex Ryan – Put your face in the videos so that your wife isn’t the only one exposed.

Terrell Owens – Begin to take responsibility for your shortcomings.

Shawne Merriman – Sleep in a hyperbaric chamber and stretch before practice.

Maurice Jones-Drew, LaGarrette Blount, Michael Turner – Do side bends or situps, but please don’t lose that butt.

Eli Manning – Stand in the mirror and repeat “I am somebody” before leaving the house each day.

Jerry Jones – Consider the opinions of others.

Philadelphia Eagles, Chicago Bears, and Washington Redskins – Improve your  awful offensive lines.

Announcers, analysts, and media outlets — Stop mentioning dogfighting every time you mention Michael Vick.

Gus Johnson – Call more games of all kinds.

Bob Costas – Tone the dramatics down a notch.

Jon Gruden – Lobby for the HC gig in Cincy.

Collinsworth – Think before you speak and get some black friends.

Bob Papa – Point to Theisman and Millen and inform your bosses that you simply cannot work under these conditions.

NFLPA – Continue to make the NFLPA truly friendly toward the players and improve the information contained on the lockout site.

This is my quick list, but use the comments to tell other players, announcers, and NFL management and ownership what you think they should work on in 2011.

11/2/10

Week 8 Recap: Is Favre’s Play a Miracle? Is Shanahan mentally sound? Is Belichick in the Illumanati?

Back in Shakesperean times, women weren’t allowed to be in performances. Men played all the parts in the dramas. Today, we call that football. Football is an all male Young and The Restless with enough drama for everyone from the casual watcher to the maniacal fanatic.

Week 8 served up plenty to talk about, and it’s always interesting how story lines are covered by different news outlets.

To start, the Washington Post’s Redskins blog rounded up all the reactions from people around the league regarding Shanahan’s what-the-fuck decision to bench McNabb in favor of Rex Grossman with 2 minutes left on the game clock.

The reactions were mostly angry. Actually, I was surprised at how angry they were. The only  mild reaction was the best one in my opinion. Michael Irving said:

“It wasn’t just taking Donovan out. It was bringing Rex Grossman in. All of our eyes have seen enough of Rex Grossman.”

Basically!

Michael Wilbon, Mike Ditka, Tony Kornheiser et al were more thorough in their statements, but Irvin’s sentiment was shared by all.

Unless you’ve been hiding inside Troy Polamalu’s luxurious locks the last 24 hours, you’ve probably heard that Randy Moss was unceremoniously waived by Vikings Coach Brad Childress. Not only was he waived, but he was the last to find out.

Jason Cole at Yahoo Sports didn’t like Childress’ decision one bit:

In announcing the team’s intentions to release Randy Moss(notes), Childress confirmed what many in the Vikings organization have believed about him for years: His management of people is questionable, his willingness to listen is nonexistent and his reaction to criticism is punitive.

This only confirms the growing tension that already existed in the Minnesota locker room before the season. Everyone in Minnesota knew back in training camp (and actually long before then), that Favre and Childress don’t get along. Favre doesn’t respect Childress, viewing him more as geeky impediment rather than a sophisticated football mind.

The difference with Favre is that Childress knows he needs Favre to have a real chance. Once Childress got Favre, there was no turning back. Make no mistake: Favre runs the show in that battle of alpha males.

When it came to Moss, Childress wasn’t going to let another player run roughshod over him. When Moss criticized the coaches Sunday after the loss to the Patriots, that was the tipping point.

I’m not fan of my-way-or-the-highway Coaches, I wrote about it when I gave my reaction to McNabb’s benching. So overall I don’t disagree with Cole. However, I don’t agree that “Childress knows he needs Favre to have a real chance.” I think it’s pretty clear the Vikings don’t have a chance with Favre. They’d probably be just as well to have Jackson QB with an experienced and prolific WR like Randy Moss to throw to.

I do agree that Favre is winning their battle, unfortunately there’s nothing to be won.

Who gets Moss? Guesses?

ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter said various league sources indicated the Washington Redskins, Dallas Cowboys, St. Louis Rams, Miami Dolphins, Oakland Raiders, Kansas City Chiefs, New York Jets, Seattle Seahawks, New England Patriots and the Bears could be possibly interested in making a claim for Moss.

The receiver will enter waiver process Tuesday, and there’s a good chance he could join a new team soon after he’s officially waived, considering his representatives — according to reports — have already been contacted by the Dolphins and Seahawks. The Buffalo Bills, by virtue of owning the worst record in the league, get first dibs on Moss, who will be awarded to the team with the worst record to put in a claim.

The fact that the Patriots are on that list just shows how odd the NFL can be sometimes. In terms of the list of interested teams, Moss might make a good choice for the Raiders and possibly the Seahawks, but Moss is gonna be a pain in the ass for any team that isn’t winning. Not sure how he’d be all that useful for the Dolphins. Unless he can gain 70 lbs in a week and get some blocking skills, the Skins should stay far away. And as far as I’m concerned the Jets need to work with what they’ve got.

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